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when I thought of coming to Mto Moyoni,
I was so afraid of
1. rejection
2. fear of opening up to someone
3. fear of letting go
4. had my heart and myself guarded well according to
me.
5. I was desperate with life and had no answer
The evening I finally entered the centre, I felt a
like someone was embracing me, there was love in the
air and I felt it so strong a thing had never felt in
my life before, so I thought may be its because its so
natural, with the environment but that's not it. God
dwells in the place when you are in the centre you
feel relaxed and happy automatically even when no one
is talking to you.
The first of the session, I attended, come like an eye
opener to me with the question "why do I need to
forgive?" I realised I had forgiven many times in my
life but I never really forgave it was a response to
some emotions that went away after a while. At this
center its like God wants a river of joy peace and all
the goodness to flow from my heart, but this river
cant flow with what God intended if my heart is
burdened with un forgiveness, rather it will flow
with bitterness anger, rejection abandonment and many
unhealthy issues, and that's exactly what I was.
This first day was like was being laid on a surgical
bed, for heart surgery , yes I was happy and scared at
the same time coz I was asking if I just let go all
that is in my heart how will it be how will I behave?,
what if my life will remain the same even after
letting go? .
come the second day all bout the heart of stone, this
came and hit me so hard because when I was coming I
had already build an iron wall to protect myself from
myself, any one and even God, and I had vowed to myself
never to trust anyone no matter what.....as this
session went on I felt like a knife cutting deep in my
heart and I felt so weak and vulnerable, and the
walls in my heart were braking even before prayers.
The third day was almost unbearable, I thought of
running away, but then a voice was telling me if you go you will die , you will be well, its like I would go with my heart open and the wounds
would worsen and eventually die". But it was so hard
to go back and dig in my painful past, my head was
like spliting in to two, during this time winette held
me close she did'nt know thats what I needed , someone
to hold me because I was almost falling she told me
all would be well even though I wasnt sure, I had to
use her faith for a while, but at this moment I never
wanted to be alone in the garden or even wanted to
look into the past or even listen to God . Yes it was
well when I finally prayed with Ingrid and Pastor
Joseph they hugged me and I felt a genuine hug, I felt
like I suddenly got calm and was like numb, I did'nt
know what to say, I even dint want to talk but my
heart and soul were very quiet.
all my christian life have never had a quiet time,
like I had in Mto Moyon I am always noisy even when
have closed my mouth, my heart before was full of
murmuring and complaining, but the quiet time at Mto
is unique and divine.
This is a healing process that needs my commitment,
because while I was there sometimes I would hear a
weak voice saying: you will only feel this peace
while you are here once you go back to your world
things will back to normal and it was terrifying.
since I came back home I feel same peace, and all I
can say is that
Mto Moyoni, is owe some, amazing, refreshing,
awakening, restoring, divine, and healing place.
Am in the processes, and funny enough when I meet
people I find myself just talking to them about
forgiveness and they feel like its the sure way, and
this time as much as I do it not like it was done on
me but Some how God is bringing people my way very
fast who needs attention.
winette Ingrid thanks so much for sponsoring me on
this program I know will never thank you enough .
God bless you richly and refill you on daily basis
that your cups may always overflow , that as You give
out you may never run out and you will always be
refreshed,may you never lack in anything. My greatest
desire is that God my meet all your heart desires.
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